99 Problems (But A Commander Ain’t One)

If you’re havin’ deck problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a Commander ain’t one

They got the ban hammer on the fast mana
Foes that wanna send my deck to the slammer
Forum critics they say he’s “Only Combos”
I’m wanna win, stupid, think I should lose I suppose?
If you ever played a couple mox then a Black Lotus
You wouldn’t give a crap about my foil ‘Storm Crows’
Fuck the power haters, kiss my Fellwar Stones
If you don’t like my decklist you can always fold
Concession on the stack while you’re Mind Controlled
They don’t play my lists so I take the piss out of
Crap players who try and use pet-card shit
Who hafta win with league points coz they can’t take my list,
I don’t know what you take me as
Countering your spells until you pass
I go for turn two kills if I cant do turn one
I got 99 problems but a Commander ain’t one

99 problems but a Commander aint one
If you’re havin’ deck problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a Commander ain’t one

I’m into game two, Zur of course
Playing Diplomatic Immunity into mother fuckin’ Force
I got two choices, let it resolve or pause
The game with Hinder but I’ve no mana source
Now I’m trying to see how I can make the play
Brainstorm into Mindbreak and take the day
So I pull the trigger and see the cards
A Stasis, a Strip Mine, Immunity hits the yard.
Opponent plays Azami, Archivist, go.
Shoulda kept up the mana, next turn will blow
Gotta try to play out a Ring of O
He Drains, I Hinder, he Spell Snares, d’oh
He stick Mind Over Matter and a Candelabra
But I’m sandbagging a topdecked Auramancer
I got a turn or two to get back innit
Before my library’s gone as my deck is finished
Play out the ‘Mancer to get my O-Ring back
Want to Capsize that shit with trigger on the stack
“Aren’t you smart as a tack, you Chapin or something?”
“Or somebody actually important or something’?”
Nah, I ain’t hit the pro tour but I know a little bit
Enough that the triggers won’t return that shit.
“Well see how well that works when this Timestop come”
I got 99 problems but a Commander ain’t one

99 problems but a Commander aint one
If you’re havin’ deck problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a Commander ain’t one