There was a time when it seemed that Ted Turner owned the world. The Braves had the best pitching lineup in baseball, WCW was a legit threat to WWF, and Ted had enough pull in Hollywood to get whoever he wanted to star in his show pushing his message of conservation. No, seriously, look at the people he has for seasons 1 and 2. The cartoon was pretty much godawful, but if you were at a certain age when it was on, you knew it all by Heart. But where are we going with all this?
Lo and behold! M13 is giving us five rings that each do dumb color stuff. So of course what we are supposed to do is make an EDH deck immortalizing our favorite green haired, blue skinned, punk rockin (oh wait that was Captain Pollution ) superhero. He was pretty much the worst, since it seemed that something like smog seemed to weaken him into an infantile state. If ever facing down a loaded Captain Planet, you could probably urinate on him and rob him of his strength.
Ok enough of that nonsense, down to brass tax, also all the rings are 2 mana with a 1 equip cost.
General: Lets go with our boy Cromat Admittedly Cromat is always my go to 5 color general as I heartily despise all the others. Ain’t nobody holdin a candle to my main man Cro TO THA mat.
Okay so we kind of need a creature of each color to represent each ring so lets see what we can come up with, I want them to be Legendary even though Stoneforge Mystic could pass as a pretty good Linka.
Earth = Green = Kwame = Baru, Fist of Krosa Wow what is up with the lack of brothers in green. Our boy Kwame’s ring will be Ring of Kalonia = Equipped creature has trample. At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature if it’s green. Hahaha it is like having Forests ALL DAY for him with the ring on.
Fire = Red = Wheeler = Kamahl, Pit Fighter This one was easier and represents our hotheaded friend a little better than poor Kwame, LEVAR BURTON IS IN TEARS WIZARDS I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY. His ring is the Ring of Valkas : Equipped creature has haste. At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature if it’s red. Heh pretty much useless on our boy Kamahl.
Wind = White = Linka = Rashka The Slayer Blonde? Almost , Relevant? Kinda Check has reach which seems like a wind thingy. Almost went with Thalia but Rashka seems better flavorwise. Her ring will be Ring of Thune = Equipped creature has vigilance. At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature if it’s white. Not the worst, vigilance reach on a conditional non 3/3 is maybe ok.
Water = Blue = Gi = Braids, Conjurer Adept I know not asian in a color with many asian female legends. But I think we will end up needing the ability to just put stuff down considering this mess. Her ring is Ring of Evos Isle = 2 Equipped creature gains hexproof until end of turn. At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature if it’s blue. I guess maybe someday someone tries to blow up our blue braids and we can stop it from happening.
Heart = Black? = Ma-Ti = Chainer, Dementia Master Yeah Heart gets boned having to be black, but honestly, Ma-Ti was everybody’s least favorite planeteer hands down so who cares. Also Chainer’s reanimatin powers are kinda like the Heart ring in a dumb way, but honestly umm, when are we gonna have triple black to waste on it. Probably never. Ok suckshack your ring is Ring of Xathrid : 2 Regenerate Equipped Creature. At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature if it’s black. This one is rough, because I would gladly let Ma-Ti die.
Gaea = Captain Sisay We are going to need help assembling the Planeteers so may as well have this work flavorwise.
Ma-Ti’s Stupid fuckin monkey Voiced by the dude who was Megatron = Uktabi Orangutan I guess we can let that monkey get a little play huh, look at him there, all bonin from behind like kings do.
Okay, so we have our Planeteers and those rings, so what is our battleplan? In the end we want a five ring equipped Cromat to BEAT FACE gettin dem counters erryday. Seems flawless right?
So lets get our rings out somehow. Not a lot of secret tech here
Lands/Mana Rocks/Ramp = I dunno like fitty cards, I think yall can do this part on your own, constraining to your own budget, maybe not use ALL TEN SIGNETS like I like to, if you do that maybe bump to 55 haha.
so that takes us to about 66 cards. We could either throw in some dumb shit, or just actually try to be decent. We have 33 cards to play with but our Captain Planet skeleton is there. I of course would fill the rest with dumb spells, but generally probably do removal/graveyard hate/enchantment hate/artifact hate/greaves/darksteelplate/some ld and then suddenly we have like 5 cards to play with. Buildin EDH is hard isn’t it guys? If you need help with any of these items I recommend hitting up this knowledgable man .
Okay lets give ourselves some difficulty levels.
Normal : Just playing this deck
Nightmare : Winning with a five ring equipped Cromat.
Hell : Having all five Planeteers out WITH THE CORRECT RINGS ON and then summon Cromat.
Inferno : Have this playing the entire game
Okay folks there you go, I know I left a lot of fill in the blanks, but only the boring cards.
THE POWER IS YOURS